Story of Transformation
Since being asked to write about my transformation story at St. Mark’s, I have debated on which “story” to tell. I have had many beautiful experiences at St. Mark’s that have strengthened my relationship with God and have demonstrated to me the loving presence of Christ in our world. But, I look back at most of these experiences as branches on a tree that is still growing, not complete stories in themselves.
Still, I can pinpoint one experience that may be the most profound for me. It is simple. It was the decision to return to St. Mark’s. After going away to college and graduate school and living out of the state for 15 years, I took a job near Little Rock. I walked back through the doors of St. Mark’s as a married adult, with one child and another on the way. Even now, I find coming back to St. Mark’s an incredibly unexpected event. I attended St. Mark’s from the 6th through 12th grades, and, to be honest, I was not an enthusiastic participant. At the time, there were not many children my age, and I did not have a sense of belonging in the community. Thankfully, while I was daydreaming through the services, God was patiently planting a seed in my heart. It was a seed containing his great message of love, redemption, and belonging.
That seed took a long time to germinate! Throughout college and graduate school, I did not regularly attend church. I found that I never quite got what I wanted out of it, although I could not define exactly what I was expecting. I think I was seeking some kind of instant gratification–a “feel good fix” that would hold me over until the next unscheduled visit to church. When I moved back to Little Rock, I began to realize that the religious experience that I wanted actually required something of me. And, so I set a simple but still difficult goal of just getting me and my family to church every Sunday that was possible. I found that as I attended St. Mark’s more frequently, not just once or twice a month, my vision of church and religious life was slowly transformed-from an abstract practice to a living, breathing way of life. As we began to include Sunday school into our routine, it intensified. Participating in outreach ministries further expanded our enthusiasm and recognition that God is not just at St. Mark’s. He is out in the world. St. Mark’s has opened the door for our personal expression of faith in our own home, too. Through the resources provided in Sunday school and forum, we have talked as a family about lessons in the Bible and our place in the world, in a way that we never would have if we had not participated in these activities at St. Mark’s.
I am not going to say that regular attendance on Sundays with two small children has been easy. Two years ago, when we pulled into the St. Mark’s parking lot on Sundays, I was so frustrated after a morning of trying to get my children and myself fed and dressed, that I wanted to turn around and go home. But, over time, it has become so much easier, because we have set expectations in our home. If in town and if healthy, then we go to church. My daughter and son love to go. In fact, they sulk when we don’t go. We all do. Simply put, when we do not go to St. Mark’s on Sunday, we don’t feel as happy or connected to God or each other.
For me, God’s transforming love can be seen in my life in the very fact that I came back to St. Mark’s. It is the place where the seed of God’s message was planted in my heart so many years ago, even though I didn’t know it. Now that I do know, I want to water and nurture my faith and see how big and tall it will get!
-Jane Anne Blakney-Bailey, St. Mark’s Parishioner
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